Not Condemnation, But Mercy

In the Gospel of John, chapter 8, the religious leaders of the day brought a woman to Jesus. This woman was caught in the very act of adultery and the law, as given to Moses in the Old Testament, said that this woman was to be stoned. the Pharisee's, hoping to have something on which to call Jesus out, asked him what he thought should be done with her. At first Jesus ignored them. I will be very intrigued to find out in Heaven some day what exactly Jesus was writing in the dirt that day! When he didn't answer them, the Pharisee's asked him a second time what he thought should be done with this woman. To which Jesus responded: "Whichever one of you has not sinned go ahead and throw stones at her" and then he went back to writing in the dirt. One by one the Pharisee's all left and soon it was just Jesus and the woman standing there. Jesus asked her where everybody went and she told him that they all left. At this point Jesus told her to go and don't commit adultery again - he was not going to punish her.

This is such a great story! It gives me great insight into the character of Jesus - a character which I strive to emulate every day, but confess that I do not do well in this area of compassion. Jesus knew that technically the woman should have been put to death - under the law. I believe something about this passage. Jesus knew the great amount of heartache that this woman was already feeling just from having done what she did.

I have been reading a book called Sex and the Soul of a Woman, by Paula Rinehart. This book talks about the bonds which are forged when two people have a sexual encounter. There are all kinds of things going on in the human brain when hormones are stirred up by sex. (I am by no means an expert on this subject, so please, take a look at Jackie Joens' blog for more information. She has done more research and has more experience with this topic than I do.) God wired us to make these bonds on all different levels - that's why we women are the mothers and the wives and are the ones most often looked to for comfort. Because every woman is wired to make these bonds every woman also suffers when those bonds are injured. This woman was already suffering the natural consequence of shame for what she had done.

Much like the pain that this woman was feeling I have experienced these relationship hurts compounded into self-hatred and doubt of my own worth to God. But also like this woman I have received, not condemnation at the feet of Jesus, but mercy instead. We all make mistakes. We all learn at different speeds and by different means. Some of us have the wisdom to learn from other people's mistakes and some of us get to take those tests for ourselves.

I am not a person that gets all fired up about every injustice; nor do I jump on every bandwagon that rolls through town fighting for this cause or that one. Please understand, it's absolutely not that I don't believe those things are important because I certainly do. I just choose to save my "soap boxes" for those things about which I am truly passionate. Sexual purity is one of those things.

I was very privileged to grow up in a conservative and fundamental church and it was always drilled into us that sex outside of marriage was bad and that we shouldn't do it. I absolutely believe this and support it with every fiber of my being. However, I also acknowledge that there is more to it than that. It's not enough to just scare the truth into our youth. In a society where children are having sex at younger and younger ages despite our "sex ed" and "drilling" and threats of STD's and pregnancies and God's wrath we need to really talk to our kids! In order to do that we have to crawl out of our shells and past the realm of the abstract and taboo. I'm not saying to sit your kindergartener down and explain the gory details of sex to him. However, waiting until your child reaches puberty may be too late, too! Always have an open door policy with your kids. They are going to get this information one way or another - who do you want it to come from?!

Those of you who know me know that I'm not a parent. While my comments here are primarily directed to parents because it is primarily your job to teach your children; I want to admonish those of you who do not have children of your own also to be watchful of the children around you. Are you seeing patterns or behaviors that you think could be leading down a path lined with heartache? Find the child's parents or some other authority figure for the child and relay your concerns. Remember the old saying: "It takes a village to raise a child." Children and teens will often seek out someone who isn't a parent to ask those questions which are too awkward to ask of their parents. Be open to this! If you are not comfortable answering the questions then offer to go with the child/teen to his/her parents to help the conversation along. Be creative without crossing a line that could cause more harm than good.

I've been down a lot of very hurtful roads and you have no idea how much I wish that someone had sat me down and really explained life, and especially sex, to me! In a way that I could understand some of the natural consequences that I would encounter when I chose to go down those ill-advised paths.