From about 3pm yesterday, until about that same time today I was stuck in a cyclone of fear and doubt and worry and anxiety. Let me tell you something - that is not a fun place to be! I don't know how people who live without any peace in their lives are able to function from day to day. I get this way sometimes - I think we probably all do - but as I'm still working on actually trusting God with my life (versus saying that I trust Him and having no idea what that really means or looks like) I am very susceptible to these emotions. It affects every part of my being - both sleeping and awake. I wonder if some of it doesn't rub off on Starr because she has been abnormally obnoxious the last few days as well. Or maybe, she rubbed off on me!
Anyway, Jackie gave me an idea for how to help calm my mind so that I can get some sleep and settle some of the panic and worries. She said to pick a "sacred word" like "peace or love" and repeat it, gently, over and over to myself to empty all other thoughts out of my head and whenever other things start to race around my mind to stop and redirect my thoughts back to my sacred word.
So, I tried it. I picked the word "peace" because that sounds like a lovely thing to have in my life right now! Of course, my brain is still going in warp-speed-overdrive so when I think of the word peace all kinds of things come into my head: peaceful scenery (like that Grand Canyon that I'm going to visit next week), and the song "It Is Well With My Soul" because it says "When peace like a river attendeth my way..." Have you ever seen those silly commercials on TV for bing.com? One person says something and the other person in a very robotic manner lists off the top 10 internet searches for that word. That's kind of what my brain does - it's like an internet search engine - it's disturbing, really, one person's brain shouldn't do all of that - at least not all at once!
I got off on a tangent - I do that sometimes. So I finally got to sleep but I still woke up in the night a couple of times. I was able to think about my sacred word and go back to sleep - until Starr started barking at 10 minutes til 5 this morning. :( Starting the day crying and screaming (yes, literally screaming) before sun-up is never a good thing. I cried most of the morning - letting my negative thoughts run wild. All kinds of fears and worries and anger kept popping into my head all day and I'd start crying again. I wasn't even able to express to myself what I was feeling - except to say that I knew it was fear - that's pretty bad! Late this afternoon I was reading an email and this thought came to me - or rather was sent by God - "God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
That was God getting a hold of me and reminding me that I do not have to be afraid - of anything. He absolutely does not want that for me - or anyone. In fact, He goes so far as to give us the tools to overcome that fear - power, love, and a sound mind. These times when I'm feeling overcome with my emotions - I feel like I'm not in control of my own mind - God doesn't want that for me. He wants me to be of sound mind - He wants me to have power over these fears, doubts, and worries.
I remember a great song from the "good ol' days" by Mac Lynch. You can listen to it here. The words are below.
May the Lord Find Us Faithful
God has not given us the spirit of fear,
But has given us the strength to obey
With power and sound mind,
With love, the unfailing kind,
O be not ashamed of His way.
Chorus:
May the Lord find us faithful.
May His Word be our banner held high.
May the Lord find us faithful.
Ev'ry day, though we live, though we die.
No man that seeketh after things of this life
Is a soldier who passes the test.
Be faithful, be working, be running, be serving,
Be searching His Word for His best.
Chorus
Living or dying, may honor be Thine,
From this wretched life, You loved and forgave.
A life that is on fire,
Be only our heart's desire.
Be faithful from now to the grave.
Chorus
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Man-forsaken, but never God-forsaken
Psalm 27:10
“When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”
This Psalm is labeled as a Psalm of David – penned by King David, one of the most well-known, and probably well-loved, kings of Old Testament Israel. This Psalm has been of great comfort to me in recent weeks. Many times when I have felt overwhelmed and discouraged and sad I have come back to this Psalm and offered it back to God as a prayer. (Thanks Pastor Felber, for having us memorize this one, as a church, so many years ago!)
I find it very intriguing that this verse is even in the Bible. Often times I don’t think about the possibility that people in Old Testament days could have forsaken their children. I usually think of the mighty men and women of the Old Testament as having been pillars of faith and love and they “just didn’t do stuff like that.” Alas, they were human, too. And they probably did embarrass and upset their children just like parents do today. “No, you can’t go scoop the loop in the good chariot.” “No, you can’t go worship Baal with the Hezekiah kids, we’re going to see great-great-great-great-great grandpa Methuselah.” (Not shooting for Biblical accuracy here – just making a point.)
The definition of the word “forsake” (because, really, how often do you use the word “forsake” in every day conversation?) is: To quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert. To give up or renounce. Can you imagine what it would be like for your parents to leave, abandon, or desert you? To give you up or renounce you? That would have to be one of the most painful things for a child to endure – no matter what age the child is! I can’t imagine, not in the literal sense of this definition anyway.
I grew up having both of my parents around – and a multitude of other family members also. I lived with Mom and my brother and we got to see Dad most any time that we wanted. In that sense, my parents never deserted me. However, if you look beyond the literal definition – in the physical sense – of this word and think about the emotional and spiritual aspect of our lives; there is a whole other realm of possibilities for abandonment and desertion. I am here to tell you that this can, and does, happen. I am living proof of it! But God is good and His word promises that when this happens – when our family – our own flesh and blood – turns its back on us then He will be there to comfort us. He will lift us up on eagle’s wings (Isaiah 40:31) and give us the strength and support that our earthly family has failed to provide.
The whole point of all of this was not only to point out what the Bible says but to remind myself what it does not say. The Bible does not say: “When my father and mother forsake me then the Lord will let me pick new ones.” It does not say: “When my father and mother forsake me then the Lord will let me continue behaving as a child because no one wanted to teach me how to grow up.” I confess that this is difficult for me to accept. I have lived for a long time trying to move other people into the position of “parent” in my life instead of trusting in the Lord for my strength and growth. But that is not Biblical and it needs to stop. Part of my God-definition needs to be that I claim Him as my Father and stop trying to give that credit (and responsibility!) to anyone else. My growth comes from Him – not from mankind. He may choose to use people to communicate these truths to me but the message is ultimately from Him.
Heavenly Father, I bring your word back to you once again tonight: The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek. Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
“When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”
This Psalm is labeled as a Psalm of David – penned by King David, one of the most well-known, and probably well-loved, kings of Old Testament Israel. This Psalm has been of great comfort to me in recent weeks. Many times when I have felt overwhelmed and discouraged and sad I have come back to this Psalm and offered it back to God as a prayer. (Thanks Pastor Felber, for having us memorize this one, as a church, so many years ago!)
I find it very intriguing that this verse is even in the Bible. Often times I don’t think about the possibility that people in Old Testament days could have forsaken their children. I usually think of the mighty men and women of the Old Testament as having been pillars of faith and love and they “just didn’t do stuff like that.” Alas, they were human, too. And they probably did embarrass and upset their children just like parents do today. “No, you can’t go scoop the loop in the good chariot.” “No, you can’t go worship Baal with the Hezekiah kids, we’re going to see great-great-great-great-great grandpa Methuselah.” (Not shooting for Biblical accuracy here – just making a point.)
The definition of the word “forsake” (because, really, how often do you use the word “forsake” in every day conversation?) is: To quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert. To give up or renounce. Can you imagine what it would be like for your parents to leave, abandon, or desert you? To give you up or renounce you? That would have to be one of the most painful things for a child to endure – no matter what age the child is! I can’t imagine, not in the literal sense of this definition anyway.
I grew up having both of my parents around – and a multitude of other family members also. I lived with Mom and my brother and we got to see Dad most any time that we wanted. In that sense, my parents never deserted me. However, if you look beyond the literal definition – in the physical sense – of this word and think about the emotional and spiritual aspect of our lives; there is a whole other realm of possibilities for abandonment and desertion. I am here to tell you that this can, and does, happen. I am living proof of it! But God is good and His word promises that when this happens – when our family – our own flesh and blood – turns its back on us then He will be there to comfort us. He will lift us up on eagle’s wings (Isaiah 40:31) and give us the strength and support that our earthly family has failed to provide.
The whole point of all of this was not only to point out what the Bible says but to remind myself what it does not say. The Bible does not say: “When my father and mother forsake me then the Lord will let me pick new ones.” It does not say: “When my father and mother forsake me then the Lord will let me continue behaving as a child because no one wanted to teach me how to grow up.” I confess that this is difficult for me to accept. I have lived for a long time trying to move other people into the position of “parent” in my life instead of trusting in the Lord for my strength and growth. But that is not Biblical and it needs to stop. Part of my God-definition needs to be that I claim Him as my Father and stop trying to give that credit (and responsibility!) to anyone else. My growth comes from Him – not from mankind. He may choose to use people to communicate these truths to me but the message is ultimately from Him.
Heavenly Father, I bring your word back to you once again tonight: The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek. Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Putting Away Childish Things
I Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child I spake as a child; I understood as a child; I thought as a child. But when I became a man I put away childish things.
I haven’t put away my childish things. I’m not sure that I can even identify most of them. Something being a natural response is sometimes going to be a childish thing because children are untrained humans. As we get older we are supposed to learn to harness and hone those natural responses into healthy grown-up ones.
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
I am learning new things about myself all the time. Along with the strengths which I am discovering I have found that I haven’t grown up as well as I would have liked. I’m not interested in playing the blame game or going through the rest of my life saying “oh woe is me” and being a victim – destined to live my life as an uncontrollable roller coaster ride. Jackie always says, “What happens to me may change me but only God defines me” (maybe slightly paraphrased). That is the journey that I am on now. To learn my “God-definition” and allow Him to help me grow up and “put away childish things” “by the renewing of [my] mind.”
Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my childish thoughts and behaviors. Please forgive me for not taking responsibility for my actions and staying in my child-like mentality for so many years. I understand now that these behaviors are not becoming of a daughter of yours. I recognize this now and repent of these things. I ask for your strength in my life to make the necessary changes in order to become a safe person and to be obedient to Your will.
When I was a child I spake as a child; I understood as a child; I thought as a child. But when I became a man I put away childish things.
I haven’t put away my childish things. I’m not sure that I can even identify most of them. Something being a natural response is sometimes going to be a childish thing because children are untrained humans. As we get older we are supposed to learn to harness and hone those natural responses into healthy grown-up ones.
Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
I am learning new things about myself all the time. Along with the strengths which I am discovering I have found that I haven’t grown up as well as I would have liked. I’m not interested in playing the blame game or going through the rest of my life saying “oh woe is me” and being a victim – destined to live my life as an uncontrollable roller coaster ride. Jackie always says, “What happens to me may change me but only God defines me” (maybe slightly paraphrased). That is the journey that I am on now. To learn my “God-definition” and allow Him to help me grow up and “put away childish things” “by the renewing of [my] mind.”
Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my childish thoughts and behaviors. Please forgive me for not taking responsibility for my actions and staying in my child-like mentality for so many years. I understand now that these behaviors are not becoming of a daughter of yours. I recognize this now and repent of these things. I ask for your strength in my life to make the necessary changes in order to become a safe person and to be obedient to Your will.
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