24 hours

From about 3pm yesterday, until about that same time today I was stuck in a cyclone of fear and doubt and worry and anxiety. Let me tell you something - that is not a fun place to be! I don't know how people who live without any peace in their lives are able to function from day to day. I get this way sometimes - I think we probably all do - but as I'm still working on actually trusting God with my life (versus saying that I trust Him and having no idea what that really means or looks like) I am very susceptible to these emotions. It affects every part of my being - both sleeping and awake. I wonder if some of it doesn't rub off on Starr because she has been abnormally obnoxious the last few days as well. Or maybe, she rubbed off on me!

Anyway, Jackie gave me an idea for how to help calm my mind so that I can get some sleep and settle some of the panic and worries. She said to pick a "sacred word" like "peace or love" and repeat it, gently, over and over to myself to empty all other thoughts out of my head and whenever other things start to race around my mind to stop and redirect my thoughts back to my sacred word.

So, I tried it. I picked the word "peace" because that sounds like a lovely thing to have in my life right now! Of course, my brain is still going in warp-speed-overdrive so when I think of the word peace all kinds of things come into my head: peaceful scenery (like that Grand Canyon that I'm going to visit next week), and the song "It Is Well With My Soul" because it says "When peace like a river attendeth my way..." Have you ever seen those silly commercials on TV for bing.com? One person says something and the other person in a very robotic manner lists off the top 10 internet searches for that word. That's kind of what my brain does - it's like an internet search engine - it's disturbing, really, one person's brain shouldn't do all of that - at least not all at once!

I got off on a tangent - I do that sometimes. So I finally got to sleep but I still woke up in the night a couple of times. I was able to think about my sacred word and go back to sleep - until Starr started barking at 10 minutes til 5 this morning. :( Starting the day crying and screaming (yes, literally screaming) before sun-up is never a good thing. I cried most of the morning - letting my negative thoughts run wild. All kinds of fears and worries and anger kept popping into my head all day and I'd start crying again. I wasn't even able to express to myself what I was feeling - except to say that I knew it was fear - that's pretty bad! Late this afternoon I was reading an email and this thought came to me - or rather was sent by God - "God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

That was God getting a hold of me and reminding me that I do not have to be afraid - of anything. He absolutely does not want that for me - or anyone. In fact, He goes so far as to give us the tools to overcome that fear - power, love, and a sound mind. These times when I'm feeling overcome with my emotions - I feel like I'm not in control of my own mind - God doesn't want that for me. He wants me to be of sound mind - He wants me to have power over these fears, doubts, and worries.

I remember a great song from the "good ol' days" by Mac Lynch. You can listen to it here. The words are below.

May the Lord Find Us Faithful
God has not given us the spirit of fear,
But has given us the strength to obey
With power and sound mind,
With love, the unfailing kind,
O be not ashamed of His way.

Chorus:
May the Lord find us faithful.
May His Word be our banner held high.
May the Lord find us faithful.
Ev'ry day, though we live, though we die.

No man that seeketh after things of this life
Is a soldier who passes the test.
Be faithful, be working, be running, be serving,
Be searching His Word for His best.

Chorus

Living or dying, may honor be Thine,
From this wretched life, You loved and forgave.
A life that is on fire,
Be only our heart's desire.
Be faithful from now to the grave.

Chorus